Sprouting Instructions Enclosed

There are good group vibes at the moment. Drifting threads of friendship and love and aquaintance suddenly all got tangled up and formed a nice little ring. As in: H is now going out with S, whose a friend of C, and C was a friend of mine whose now quite close to H as well, and S and C have a cool mate called L, who gets along really well with everybody, including DW, and now DW is friends with S and L, and his friends get along with their friends too, and everybody loves each other the end.

Yeah, I could use names, but its funnier this way.

I saw the History Boys play last night, with a friend who got me a ticket for my birthday. Awesomeness! Said friend, a guy we'll give the nifty name of A, is my best book-and-movie discussing pal, and is very highly attuned to awkward social situations. We decided to sit in the very front row, which meant A ended up staring practically right up the nostrils of whichever boy took centre stage. Oh the awkwardness! Where to look? He ended up looking to the man next to him for guidance on theatre etiquette.

Sometimes I imagine an employment position for someone to do the things that I dislike or can't be bothered doing. Let's say shoe shopping, ordering my room, etc. In this idea the position is something like a personal assistant, I guess, like whatever Elaine was for that guy in Seinfeld. Then, in this weird mental loop, I simultaneously think: That would be a fun job! Like imagine researching different brands of makeup so your client wouldn't waste money on crap stuff. Cool fun! Or creating a system of organisation for past uni work - sounds like a decent job! Working out possible Centrelink entitlements - woopee! Then I wonder why I'm thinking how great a job that would be, when that job is in fact my life, and who thinks about the pros of being employed to run their life?

This train of thought has become more rare recently as I move my thoughts away from making appointments and renewing licenses and shopping and the like, and onto things like limits on parliamentary power and situations in which a third party can enforce a contract. Exams exams.

I had a few weird experiences with male attention at the hostel recently. First one was kind of funny, this Aussie guy in town for a 'fresh start' who was completely not my type (and I mean not the type who would normally go for me, too) deciding that I was a 'real top bird' and grinning and winking at me from the other side of reception while repeating that phrase a lot. He asked me if I liked a good 'Chinese or Italian' meal (these were the two cuisines on offer, apparently) and if I would be interested in joining him. When I brought up my boyfriend he was momentarily deterred but then restated his offer with even more zeal, reminding me that I was a real top bird and he'd always thought I was such a catch, etc, and if I ever got sick of my boyfriend then just call him up for a good Chinese or Italian meal, he'd treat me right. Yeah, he'd treat me right all right! Because I was such a top chick, I was really something! Just remember, if I ever get sick of my boyfriend, alright? Eventually he left, after giving me his number on a scrap of paper. I didn't add it to my phone.

The second one was... well. A bit weirder. There's a guy who used to stay there, a ginger-haired Irish electrician who I always had a soft spot for. He's a very genuine guy, doesn't like the nightlife scene or the rraww my car is better than yours male mentality, just wants to have a laugh and a drink and talk shite, or maybe get me to play some Irish ballads on youtube while he reminisces about people singing in pubs back home. I often have interesting conversations with him. Anyway, he was at a loose end the other night and popped into the hostel, and ended up staying at reception, having a few beers and talking with me for a fair while. At one point it was revealed that I was only 20, and that he had imagined me older and somehow felt 'less intimidated' by me now that he knew how old I was. At another point he started talking about how he found me really attractive but couldn't imagine being intimate with me, and why did I think that was?

Well. By intimate he meant 'cuddly'. Like he couldn't imagine holding me, snuggling with me. Eventually he came to the conclusion that it was because he thought I was more educated than him, and it intimidated him, but that it was his own problem. He asked me if I did like cuddling, like not doing anything but just getting a really warm feeling of wellbeing by lying their touching another (yes) and then seemed to feel really bad that he had assumed I was this cold character who wouldn't do that. At this stage it was kind of awkward but interesting. I had my own theories, but he reckoned it was the education-intimidation thing, and his own insecurity.

We had been talking about checking out this bar, and so when I finished work I went there with him. He knew that I had a boyfriend. But once we were in the bar, and talking there, he started getting really... I don't even know the word. Horny, obviously, but there was more to it than that. Lovey dovey. He had gradually decided that he could, indeed, imagine being 'intimate' with me, and was glad about righting his mental state. He stroked my hands, and words like 'pure' and 'beautiful' were thrown around. He praised the way I was so professional and friendly at the desk, gave people my full attention, really talked to them, engaged with them. I reminded him of bartenders in Ireland. With another guy I would have hightailed it out of there a lot faster, but I really liked this fellow, liked his humanness. I was keeping a close eye on his advances, but I didn't want to scorn him because he had dared show appreciation. Perhaps I didn't want to be seen as cold and uptight, as I assumed he had seen me as before?

I wasn't drinking, because I was driving home, and I had warned him beforehand that I wouldn't stay long. It became increasingly apparent that sooner was better than later, though, when he gazed adoringly and leaned in close to kiss me (I moved away, and he ended up kissing my shoulder, proclaiming the shoulder the 'most attractive part of a woman's body'), and also when he started talking about how he would just love to please me during sex, how he would devote 99% of time to me and he would be happy with that, he wouldn't even mind. He fondled my fingers lovingly, my hands being the one part of my body I was happy to let him touch. At this stage I could practically hear DWs indignation in my head, and was slightly uneasy about the possibility of someone seeing us act all couply. Time to go.

We walked, arms hooked together, back to my car. He kept commenting on my brisk walking pace, although with the disclaimer that he liked that in a girl. "What's the hurry?" he asked. I wasn't even walking that fast, just more in a style of 'getting somewhere' rather than 'savouring the stroll'. It's cold? It's night-time, in town? We're in Light Square? I could think of many reasons, and thought with amusement that if I was with DW, he would be walking fast too.

I was saved the awkward decision of whether to give him a lift home when he stopped at the entrance to the lane where I was parked and was like, "ooh, I don't do dark alleyways". Dude, wasn't there a point to you walking me to my car? But I was somewhat relieved to have an excuse to see him off, and made my way to my car alone.

For some reason the whole thing kind of... shook me up a little? I couldn't put my finger on why. The relentless discussion of how I 'came across' to him? (such an ooky topic of mine) Maybe being confronted with the clear opportunity of another guy, did I feel 'restricted' by having a boyfriend? I'm not sure - if anything, DW's existence feels like an anchor, a comfort to me, in those situations - without that tangible line to cross, the 'line' of acceptability would be entirely in my hands, and I don't think I'm good with that. I didn't particularly want to do anything with this guy, but maybe I liked the idea of it? Did I? I didn't even know. But I felt all weirded out, and had to relax by watching a DVD of human dissections once I got home. Mm, science.

- khere is 'logical but extreme'