Victor: "When you have time, I need -" *holds out empty bowl of handwash soap*
Victor: "Tell me. How many are we?"
Victor: "Tell me. When he leaving?"
Victor: "Tell me. What is your rule on bed light. He always complain when I put it on, even though I have cover over it!"
Victor: "Tell me. Why we don't have camera in the room?"
Victor: *requires rubber band*
Victor: *requires plastic coin bag*
Victor: *requires torch batteries*
Victor: **long, bitter tale of woe about arguments over the bed light**
Me: (because I am trying to distance myself from V's many problems, rather than reinforce the idea that I am the one he can 'vent' to) "Well, that sounds annoying. But, that's for you two to work out. Part of living in a dorm room I guess."
Victor: "But mine is very dim! He wants me to use always my flashlight, eh? And when he wants to get up, he turns the big light on! Disturb everyone! Tell me, what is he allowed to do?"
Me: "I can't really make him do anything, especially not in the middle of the night. Sure that sucks. But, that's for you two to work out. Part of living in a dorm room I guess."
Victor: **long, bitter complaint about how we don't have adequate staff at nighttime**
Me: Well, we do have staff in the building. For emergencies. I guess it's up to them what they consider an emergency.
Victor: We used to have 24 hour reception! Under the old system! **long, bitter tale of woe about arguments over the bed light**
Me: If the night staff don't consider that an emergency, there's not really much we can do.
This goes on for a while.
Victor: So you're saying there's nothing you can do.
Me: *sad nod*
Rade: "PEN"
Me: *hands over pen*
Rade: "NO YOU WRITE"
Me: "What do you want me to write?"
Rade: "HUGGGHHERRRMARR" (something unintelligible starting with 'H', with an 'R' in it somewhere.)
Me: "How do you spell that?"
Rade: "I DON'T KNOW! DAT'S WHY YOU WRITE!"
Notes on the system:
Plz don't extend Rade. We kicked him out of Shakespeare.
Rade is up to his old tricks - sleeping on couch, hiding remote. Guests are sick of watching old movies all day!
PLZ DON'T EXTEND RADE. Guests have accused him of stealing their food.
Rade will pay on Thurs for 4 more nights. ref Wayne.
Nice guy: Rade's acting a bit weird.
Amit: Rade's fucking nuts.
NG: He keeps opening and closing the fridge. I think he's looking for something to eat. Maybe you should remind him that he can have some free rice.
This, I do. Rade is still in the kitchen, staring into the fridge. He has watery blue eyes, and has the demeanor of someone who has just fallen out of a spaceship into a foreign land and is both bewildered and unimpressed at what he sees here.
Me (kindly): Are you looking for something?
Rade: MY MEAL.
I remind him about the rice. The bewildered, unimpressed expression intensifies.
One of the Korean girls pipes up. "He looking for something," she tells me. "Someone take his food."
It transpires that he is looking for a yellow carton of milk, which looks identical to one already in the fridge, but is not that one. He has no intention to stop looking, and open and closes the fridge door a few more times.
Sometime later, I am sitting at the desk and Rade comes up to the counter. "I find my milk," he tells me, glaring. "One moment, it was not there, then I go away and it APPEAR again."
He stares at me for a moment. "Strange, ah?"
I say something about how he should just enjoy the fact that he has it now. "VERY STRANGE. Someone take it. Nothing safe here."
A few minutes after that, Brian comes to the desk and say that people have noticed Rade taking stuff that isn't his. "Some salt here, some bread here."
I roll my eyes and wonder if, when Rade "found" his "milk", he really means he "stole" somebody else's "meal".
When Rade's stay is finally up, I get him to check out with minimal hassle - just one short outburst.
"Can I stay one more night, and pay tomorrow?"
I tell him no, we are 'filling up'.
"FILLING UP AH? YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT'
Smile and shrug!
Eventually he leaves, dressed in his best with a suit jacket and hat. He says, "Thankyou for the hospitality. You, but nobody else!"
Next time I am on shift, there is a note on the system:
Rade will stay 5 more days referring to Wayne. Then checking out for good.
Sigh. We'll see. Until then, more amusement!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
A 2-minute "spot clean"
Points of note:
- Went to Kangaroo Island a few weeks ago on a free tour through work. Hot weather. Fun with Brian. Many Europeans. I was the only Aussie, and the palest-skinned of the group. Highlights: Sandboarding down Little Sahara on our 'Mr-Sheen-ed' boards, lying on the beach sharing Adelaide stories with the tour leader, hiking conversation with Brian, braving the waves at Snelling Beach. Downside: Actually, there's nothing I can complain about, not even considering it was a free tour. Although, it would have been nice if the air conditioning on the bus hadn't been broken... and if we hadn't become bogged in the sand on our night-drive. (Although, while the girls shivered and waited, I think the boys had the time of their lives ribbing the driver and getting together to dig holes around the tyres and push.)
- The following weekend, DW and I took our belated Christmas present to each other, 2 nights at a B&B at Largs Bay. Highlights: not for public display. Let's just say DW is becoming quite proficient in certain skills. But, the beach walks and Harbour Town shopping and snuggles in bed weren't bad either ;). Downside: the wind! Bad bad beach weather. The water was warm, but we couldn't relax or sit down without being whipped mercilessly by sand. Also, it was kind of expensive. But never mind.
- I've been going to the gym a fair bit recently, and so far keeping my goal of running 3x week. Yesterday DW and I went for a run together at Linear Park which was good. Having him there motivates me to keep going, I think. He reckons he looks more approachable running with a girl, which I tend to agree with. We passed another couple riding bikes who both smiled at us and after they passed we were like, 'foursome!'
- New thought: I think I'd like to combine work in the UK and travel. I'd still have to save a fair bit of course, but maybe not quite as much as if I just left from Australia. Plus I could maybe travel longer.
Ok, so new daydream-plan:
Mid July - September: Travel from Prague down to Turkey.
October - Jan: Work in England - maybe a live-in pub job?
Mid Jan - mid April: Work for PGL, an outdoor-activity company in England (I don't think I'd be able to save much here, but by all accounts it looks like fun)
May- July - More travel: Iceland, Denmark, Germany, Northern Europe?
Other thoughts: we just got an email at work from a company that offers 3 month live-in carer contracts in England, that recruits mainly travellers. The email was asking for a reference for a girl used to work at the hostel. I looked up a bit about them, and currently have a question mark over whether that sounds like something I'd want to do. I reckon it'd really depend on the person you were with - if the person were easygoing, involved in life (and perhaps young?) it sounds like it'd be a really good opportunity to settle in one place for a while and earn pretty decent money, but if you didn't like the person you were caring for it could be awful. You know, I kind of like the idea of doing something like that - it seems like it would be good experience. But I can't be away forever...
Although, I could be away probably 15 months while only missing 1 year of uni. Potential issue (with all of this)... DW.
The problem, or solution, is that I love DW... a lot. I am incredibly lucky to have him and I don't want to throw that away. On the other hand, I don't want to be in a position when I look back and regret not having done more with life, when I wanted to, and I could have.
Aaaanyway. Time for banana cake and more daydreams.
--khere is a mini vacuum cleaner used only for very special hand jobs.
- Went to Kangaroo Island a few weeks ago on a free tour through work. Hot weather. Fun with Brian. Many Europeans. I was the only Aussie, and the palest-skinned of the group. Highlights: Sandboarding down Little Sahara on our 'Mr-Sheen-ed' boards, lying on the beach sharing Adelaide stories with the tour leader, hiking conversation with Brian, braving the waves at Snelling Beach. Downside: Actually, there's nothing I can complain about, not even considering it was a free tour. Although, it would have been nice if the air conditioning on the bus hadn't been broken... and if we hadn't become bogged in the sand on our night-drive. (Although, while the girls shivered and waited, I think the boys had the time of their lives ribbing the driver and getting together to dig holes around the tyres and push.)
- The following weekend, DW and I took our belated Christmas present to each other, 2 nights at a B&B at Largs Bay. Highlights: not for public display. Let's just say DW is becoming quite proficient in certain skills. But, the beach walks and Harbour Town shopping and snuggles in bed weren't bad either ;). Downside: the wind! Bad bad beach weather. The water was warm, but we couldn't relax or sit down without being whipped mercilessly by sand. Also, it was kind of expensive. But never mind.
- I've been going to the gym a fair bit recently, and so far keeping my goal of running 3x week. Yesterday DW and I went for a run together at Linear Park which was good. Having him there motivates me to keep going, I think. He reckons he looks more approachable running with a girl, which I tend to agree with. We passed another couple riding bikes who both smiled at us and after they passed we were like, 'foursome!'
- New thought: I think I'd like to combine work in the UK and travel. I'd still have to save a fair bit of course, but maybe not quite as much as if I just left from Australia. Plus I could maybe travel longer.
Ok, so new daydream-plan:
Mid July - September: Travel from Prague down to Turkey.
October - Jan: Work in England - maybe a live-in pub job?
Mid Jan - mid April: Work for PGL, an outdoor-activity company in England (I don't think I'd be able to save much here, but by all accounts it looks like fun)
May- July - More travel: Iceland, Denmark, Germany, Northern Europe?
Other thoughts: we just got an email at work from a company that offers 3 month live-in carer contracts in England, that recruits mainly travellers. The email was asking for a reference for a girl used to work at the hostel. I looked up a bit about them, and currently have a question mark over whether that sounds like something I'd want to do. I reckon it'd really depend on the person you were with - if the person were easygoing, involved in life (and perhaps young?) it sounds like it'd be a really good opportunity to settle in one place for a while and earn pretty decent money, but if you didn't like the person you were caring for it could be awful. You know, I kind of like the idea of doing something like that - it seems like it would be good experience. But I can't be away forever...
Although, I could be away probably 15 months while only missing 1 year of uni. Potential issue (with all of this)... DW.
The problem, or solution, is that I love DW... a lot. I am incredibly lucky to have him and I don't want to throw that away. On the other hand, I don't want to be in a position when I look back and regret not having done more with life, when I wanted to, and I could have.
Aaaanyway. Time for banana cake and more daydreams.
--khere is a mini vacuum cleaner used only for very special hand jobs.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The New Year's Edition
New Year's Resolutions:
- Run (3x week)
- Speak German at work
= So far so good! I ran three times this week, and spoke at least some German every day I was working at the hostel. With the German, it's crazy how simple it was once I begun. I can't believe I had the same resolution last year and was somehow too shy to ever put it into action. We get so many Germans, this time of the year, that I'm hoping I can keep practising pretty constantly. Not all of them want to speak German - many are here to practise their English, after all - but if they do want to then I'll give it my best shot. It's awesome when I actually get compliments on it - some Swiss guy was like, "I wish I could speak English as good as your German." !! No way !! And I loved it when I was in mid-conversation with a Canadian guy (in English, obviously) and some German came up told me that "Die Karte funktioniert nicht," and I just switched to talking to him about it in German. What I said was very simple, but the Canadian was impressed and all like, "How many languages do you speak?" With, you know, the implication that I spoke at least two. Made me feel ridiculously proud!
And the running - two of the three runs this week were over 30 minutes, so I'm pretty chuffed with that too. Usually I prefer to run outdoors, but I did my first longer run on the treadmill today and realised that the treadmill is a real option. After all, it's getting too hot to run outside a lot of the time, and since I've got a gym membership I might as well utilise it.
Note, though, that my resolution was to run 3 times a week, not go to the gym 3 times a week - if the gym can help me with the resolution, that's great, but I don't want classes or weights to replace runs. The classes are good for me too though, if in more of a 'step out of the comfort zone' way, and if I was inclined to make more resolutions then I might include them in there. But this year I'm going to be specific. Running, and German.
Two things that don't always feel natural or relaxing, but make me a happier person. Two things that, when done regularly, become easier, but which never reach a point of completion. Two things that give me the sensation that I'm grabbing onto my life and living it deliberately.
- Run (3x week)
- Speak German at work
= So far so good! I ran three times this week, and spoke at least some German every day I was working at the hostel. With the German, it's crazy how simple it was once I begun. I can't believe I had the same resolution last year and was somehow too shy to ever put it into action. We get so many Germans, this time of the year, that I'm hoping I can keep practising pretty constantly. Not all of them want to speak German - many are here to practise their English, after all - but if they do want to then I'll give it my best shot. It's awesome when I actually get compliments on it - some Swiss guy was like, "I wish I could speak English as good as your German." !! No way !! And I loved it when I was in mid-conversation with a Canadian guy (in English, obviously) and some German came up told me that "Die Karte funktioniert nicht," and I just switched to talking to him about it in German. What I said was very simple, but the Canadian was impressed and all like, "How many languages do you speak?" With, you know, the implication that I spoke at least two. Made me feel ridiculously proud!
And the running - two of the three runs this week were over 30 minutes, so I'm pretty chuffed with that too. Usually I prefer to run outdoors, but I did my first longer run on the treadmill today and realised that the treadmill is a real option. After all, it's getting too hot to run outside a lot of the time, and since I've got a gym membership I might as well utilise it.
Note, though, that my resolution was to run 3 times a week, not go to the gym 3 times a week - if the gym can help me with the resolution, that's great, but I don't want classes or weights to replace runs. The classes are good for me too though, if in more of a 'step out of the comfort zone' way, and if I was inclined to make more resolutions then I might include them in there. But this year I'm going to be specific. Running, and German.
Two things that don't always feel natural or relaxing, but make me a happier person. Two things that, when done regularly, become easier, but which never reach a point of completion. Two things that give me the sensation that I'm grabbing onto my life and living it deliberately.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
The December Edition
I'm very lucky. My family and friends are healthy people and happy people. Sometimes I realise how fragile it all is, how much of it really is luck.
We never know what's around the corner. I'm so grateful for the luck, while it lasts.
SAY IT WITH NUTS
Working at Arndale turned out to be a pleasant way to earn a few extra dollars before Christmas. The store was not busy in the slightest - seriously, these staff would have a heart attack working at TTP. This was bad for the company of course but dare I say, quite relaxing. I also enjoyed the fact that it was a small team. There was Midge (normally I don't use names but hers is so distinctive to her character that I must), who I had met but never known well before. She's the one who trains all the new staff and does all that 'See and Respond!' crap and I had found her tiresomely perky in the past. My respect for her has really grown. She comes across now as someone who is quite fulfilled in life, someone who throws themself into it and appreciates the small things. She's not afraid to say *nice* things to people which is a surprisingly rare quality, and one that I admire.
Also working at the shop was M, a very sweet guy who I could have talked to for many more hours that we had available. Guess what? He's married! Bahaha. Married crush.
Then there were the four 'newies'. Generally they were very good, and I didn't have any troubles leading them at all. I liked working with two of them in particular - one girl who was only just fifteen and had quite a good little business head on her, and another who had just finished year 12 and was the closest to my age. The other two weren't bad, but I think they might have struggled in a higher-pressure environment. Or actually, maybe shone. Who knows. I just know that when sales did gradually start creeping up, there was a few little *headpalm* moments. Like the girl who called up Midge at 9pm the night before her shift to say she 'didn't know what to do' because her friend had 'invited her to the beach' and oh boy, can I get a little guidance on this, boss? Or the other one who would stand there holding the sample bowl after I told her that we needed to fill gift packs before giving samples, and after I gently took it out of her hands and repeated myself and nudged her towards the gift pack boxes was like 'oh ok... so filling... baskets?'
IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
I really enjoyed Christmas this year. On Christmas Eve I sold cheap booze on the hostel balcony and befriended a few new guests - honestly, if for some reason I didn't get paid for the extra hours, I wouldn't even mind. Christmas day was at our house, with us, Grandpa, my dad's sister and her partner, and DW. Then on Boxing Day we went to at Kristy's with my mum's side of the family, the 6 little cousins and 5 big ones. Good times.
JINGALABELL JINGALABELL JINGJINGALING LING
H is off today! To India, where she will be living and travelling with her man for two months (assuming she doesn't come down with Japanese Encephalitis, of course =P ) I saw her off at the train station this morning... then came home before anyone else was even up, and napped for another hour or so =P
PROCLAMATION DAY
I hereby proclaim that before I go out this evening there will be much time spent reading and watching TV (up to date with Survivor... maybe time to break open that Greys Anatomy that mum brought back from China). It's the beginning of my four (4!) days off, the longest break I've had in... a while. I will definitely appreciate it.
We never know what's around the corner. I'm so grateful for the luck, while it lasts.
SAY IT WITH NUTS
Working at Arndale turned out to be a pleasant way to earn a few extra dollars before Christmas. The store was not busy in the slightest - seriously, these staff would have a heart attack working at TTP. This was bad for the company of course but dare I say, quite relaxing. I also enjoyed the fact that it was a small team. There was Midge (normally I don't use names but hers is so distinctive to her character that I must), who I had met but never known well before. She's the one who trains all the new staff and does all that 'See and Respond!' crap and I had found her tiresomely perky in the past. My respect for her has really grown. She comes across now as someone who is quite fulfilled in life, someone who throws themself into it and appreciates the small things. She's not afraid to say *nice* things to people which is a surprisingly rare quality, and one that I admire.
Also working at the shop was M, a very sweet guy who I could have talked to for many more hours that we had available. Guess what? He's married! Bahaha. Married crush.
Then there were the four 'newies'. Generally they were very good, and I didn't have any troubles leading them at all. I liked working with two of them in particular - one girl who was only just fifteen and had quite a good little business head on her, and another who had just finished year 12 and was the closest to my age. The other two weren't bad, but I think they might have struggled in a higher-pressure environment. Or actually, maybe shone. Who knows. I just know that when sales did gradually start creeping up, there was a few little *headpalm* moments. Like the girl who called up Midge at 9pm the night before her shift to say she 'didn't know what to do' because her friend had 'invited her to the beach' and oh boy, can I get a little guidance on this, boss? Or the other one who would stand there holding the sample bowl after I told her that we needed to fill gift packs before giving samples, and after I gently took it out of her hands and repeated myself and nudged her towards the gift pack boxes was like 'oh ok... so filling... baskets?'
IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
I really enjoyed Christmas this year. On Christmas Eve I sold cheap booze on the hostel balcony and befriended a few new guests - honestly, if for some reason I didn't get paid for the extra hours, I wouldn't even mind. Christmas day was at our house, with us, Grandpa, my dad's sister and her partner, and DW. Then on Boxing Day we went to at Kristy's with my mum's side of the family, the 6 little cousins and 5 big ones. Good times.
JINGALABELL JINGALABELL JINGJINGALING LING
H is off today! To India, where she will be living and travelling with her man for two months (assuming she doesn't come down with Japanese Encephalitis, of course =P ) I saw her off at the train station this morning... then came home before anyone else was even up, and napped for another hour or so =P
PROCLAMATION DAY
I hereby proclaim that before I go out this evening there will be much time spent reading and watching TV (up to date with Survivor... maybe time to break open that Greys Anatomy that mum brought back from China). It's the beginning of my four (4!) days off, the longest break I've had in... a while. I will definitely appreciate it.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
keeping it clean and staying on topic
Another seedy Sunday, another post.
- We put the Christmas tree up today.
- I now have an iPhone, at no extra monthly cost than what I was already paying for my old crappy handset.
- C's 21st was last night. At the Rhino room, very nice venue I thought. Cosy and fun, not too big.
- Her dad is an 'affable chap', in DW's words.
- DW met and became promptly 'enarmoured' with C's boyfriend, in C's words. The two of them talked at length about cricket and finance and whatever else.
- After the speeches, DW mentioned to me that he had 'kind of already started planning' a speech for my 21st. Naw. That's the side of him that I love.
- When we were trying to catch a taxi home, he was being an unhelpful grump. That's the side of him I don't like so much. I may taken hold of his hand in a more aggressive manner than usual. Then hit him when he pulled it away. What can I say, we were both drunk and irritated.
- I'm gonna be working at the nut shop again this Christmas - well, at one of the new 'outpost' stalls. The next few weeks will be busy. But more money, yay.
- I'm trying to save as much money as possible. I've never been 'bad' with money as such, but I haven't saved as much as I could have. If I want to go to Europe in 2011 (which, I do) then I will need to really save a lot. Goodbye food court, hello sandwiches using free bread from work.
- I want to sell a whole bunch of clothes on eBay, but I need to wait for my dad (with the benefit of his awesome feedback record!) to let me use his account and show me how to do things. My plan to do this was actually based on clearing out cupboard space rather than earning money, but hey: every bit counts!
- Went to a couch-surfing meet a couple of weeks ago at the Grace Emily. Fun fun. The week after I was feeling sick and wussy so I didn't go, but might head there again tomorrow.
- I'm so ready for Thursday, when new cupboards will be put in - the old ones were demolished and removed last Thursday, so this week all my crap has been in boxes and piles around my bedroom floor and the rest of the house. I hate living in mess. I don't see how some of my friends (well, one of my friends in particular =P) can live with a room that's permanently in such a state!
- Look, paragraphs getting bigger. We don't want that.
---khere had one midori too many.
- We put the Christmas tree up today.
- I now have an iPhone, at no extra monthly cost than what I was already paying for my old crappy handset.
- C's 21st was last night. At the Rhino room, very nice venue I thought. Cosy and fun, not too big.
- Her dad is an 'affable chap', in DW's words.
- DW met and became promptly 'enarmoured' with C's boyfriend, in C's words. The two of them talked at length about cricket and finance and whatever else.
- After the speeches, DW mentioned to me that he had 'kind of already started planning' a speech for my 21st. Naw. That's the side of him that I love.
- When we were trying to catch a taxi home, he was being an unhelpful grump. That's the side of him I don't like so much. I may taken hold of his hand in a more aggressive manner than usual. Then hit him when he pulled it away. What can I say, we were both drunk and irritated.
- I'm gonna be working at the nut shop again this Christmas - well, at one of the new 'outpost' stalls. The next few weeks will be busy. But more money, yay.
- I'm trying to save as much money as possible. I've never been 'bad' with money as such, but I haven't saved as much as I could have. If I want to go to Europe in 2011 (which, I do) then I will need to really save a lot. Goodbye food court, hello sandwiches using free bread from work.
- I want to sell a whole bunch of clothes on eBay, but I need to wait for my dad (with the benefit of his awesome feedback record!) to let me use his account and show me how to do things. My plan to do this was actually based on clearing out cupboard space rather than earning money, but hey: every bit counts!
- Went to a couch-surfing meet a couple of weeks ago at the Grace Emily. Fun fun. The week after I was feeling sick and wussy so I didn't go, but might head there again tomorrow.
- I'm so ready for Thursday, when new cupboards will be put in - the old ones were demolished and removed last Thursday, so this week all my crap has been in boxes and piles around my bedroom floor and the rest of the house. I hate living in mess. I don't see how some of my friends (well, one of my friends in particular =P) can live with a room that's permanently in such a state!
- Look, paragraphs getting bigger. We don't want that.
---khere had one midori too many.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Clear glass
For the first time in two and a half years I feel indecision. I feel like the trail that I've been following has petered out. Now instead of walking easily, I've got to make a decision. Do I keep hopefully bashing my way along the track? Take a detour through some scrub and hope that I meet up with a clear trail again? Find a different route completely?
It's like I'm surrounded by clear glass at the moment. Guys can see me, talk to me, flirt with me, dance with me, and even cop the occaisonal feel (I can only hypothesise that the glass disappears around the ass region when in busy nightclubs) but I'm not available to them. I'm exempt from 'the game'.
Most of the time I feel this is a good thing. I get one-off bursts of attention from various guys, but don't have to make a choice about where to take it from there. I don't have to try to impress, worry about being liked, or calculate the moves between 'I want you' and 'chase me'. I also don't have to be the bitch that says no. There's nothing personal, no guy can ever be offended - hey, nothing against you, but I have a boyfriend! There's your answer - it's a fact and not an opinion.
Two and a half years ago I received far less male attention. Five days a week I would don my overlarge school uniform and keep my head down. I enjoyed school, but I associated with my own group of friends and kind of ignored the rest - and 'the rest' included most of the popular people and the hottest guys, who intimidated me somewhat. While I wouldn't say I was 'invisible' - I was one of those geeky leadership types, organising community sports days and always on stage at assembly for acamedic awards - I was certainly only visible for my brains and personality, not my looks. On weekends, I wore an equally unflattering orange blouse in the nut shop and failed to attract the interest of, or muster interest for, any of the guys who I worked with or served. Underage events in Adelaide were at a minimal, and my friends and I never really got into attending random house parties - so at nights I would still only really see the same crowd that I hung out with during the week.
There are plenty of girls prettier than me today, but at some point in the last few years I guess I started to become visible for my looks. With attention came confidence, and not just confidence about my looks but confidence to be open with my mind and personality too. A growing faith that rather than trying to blend in, I can be myself and people would be attracted to that.
A fear of losing DW is not a fear that no other guys would like me - rather, it's that I would have a hard time finding a guy that I liked quite so much.
It's why I'm often glad for the clear glass - I don't trust or open up to that many people, really. In fact, you could say that I save all my trustingness and openness for DW. That's an instinctive thing, which I don't understand and can't justify. I can attempt to vaguely explain it by saying that DW is like a well that I can throw anything into... whatever I hurl his way, he will be able to understand it, deal with it. But really, he doesn't always understand everything. He doesn't deal with things better than anyone else - he's just human. Yet, it's somehow not about what he has been proven to do but what I trust he can do. I feel a level of security with him that I don't with many, or any, others.
There have, however, been a handful of guys in the last few years that have given me a little touch of that feeling. The feeling of, hey, I could imagine this going somewhere. I was thinking last night about those guys and realised the common factor - all of them valued my mind as well as my looks. Which is kind of funny - hey look, this is how you pick me up! There's no mysterious formula after all - just make a point of listening when I talk and I'm yours! It's still vanity.
It's also somewhat ironic:
I look attractive --> you're interested me --> you appreciate what's 'underneath' --> you get my body!
Anyway, I don't have much of a point to make. That's the problem. I feel like I don't know what I should be working towards.
DW and I (or, maybe just me) have been having some lingering issues about neediness. In all my other relationships I'm the need-meeter: the listener, the shoulder to cry on, the one who remains emotionally stable. I don't need my friends to listen to my problems or offer their shoulder - pfft, that's DW's job! They would probably do a much better job than DW, but some part of me is incapable of giving them that role. I save it for DW, then feel let down when he doesn't relish that position the way I would for him. That's the other thing - DW is less needy than I am, so I don't get to be the need-meeter, don't get to fill my 'natural' role in the relationship dynamic. I feel almost a bit cheated, because it's like - you haven't seen me at my best! Instead, you see me at my worst, and I feel like an imposition!
Sometimes I feel like the only way DW and I could be together long-term is to give each other some freedom first. But I've seen firsthand the heartache that friends have gone through when they are all like, 'Yeah, let's break up because I want freedom to travel and meet people and stuff. (Really I still expect you to wait around for me, if I don't find any other boys good enough)'. And then they don't find boys good enough and don't travel and want to go back to the one who they love, and find they can't, and there are tears galore. Yes, I've seen that.
When I have seen that, or hear people proclaim 'I could still see myself marrying so-and-so' while proceeding to sever their relationship with the person in question, then I think: If you love this person so much that you could imagine being married to them, why would you not want to be in a relationship with him? DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Maybe he doesn't make you as happy as you suggest? Maybe you just like the idea of a security blanket?
Gradually, it does compute.
It's like I'm surrounded by clear glass at the moment. Guys can see me, talk to me, flirt with me, dance with me, and even cop the occaisonal feel (I can only hypothesise that the glass disappears around the ass region when in busy nightclubs) but I'm not available to them. I'm exempt from 'the game'.
Most of the time I feel this is a good thing. I get one-off bursts of attention from various guys, but don't have to make a choice about where to take it from there. I don't have to try to impress, worry about being liked, or calculate the moves between 'I want you' and 'chase me'. I also don't have to be the bitch that says no. There's nothing personal, no guy can ever be offended - hey, nothing against you, but I have a boyfriend! There's your answer - it's a fact and not an opinion.
Two and a half years ago I received far less male attention. Five days a week I would don my overlarge school uniform and keep my head down. I enjoyed school, but I associated with my own group of friends and kind of ignored the rest - and 'the rest' included most of the popular people and the hottest guys, who intimidated me somewhat. While I wouldn't say I was 'invisible' - I was one of those geeky leadership types, organising community sports days and always on stage at assembly for acamedic awards - I was certainly only visible for my brains and personality, not my looks. On weekends, I wore an equally unflattering orange blouse in the nut shop and failed to attract the interest of, or muster interest for, any of the guys who I worked with or served. Underage events in Adelaide were at a minimal, and my friends and I never really got into attending random house parties - so at nights I would still only really see the same crowd that I hung out with during the week.
There are plenty of girls prettier than me today, but at some point in the last few years I guess I started to become visible for my looks. With attention came confidence, and not just confidence about my looks but confidence to be open with my mind and personality too. A growing faith that rather than trying to blend in, I can be myself and people would be attracted to that.
A fear of losing DW is not a fear that no other guys would like me - rather, it's that I would have a hard time finding a guy that I liked quite so much.
It's why I'm often glad for the clear glass - I don't trust or open up to that many people, really. In fact, you could say that I save all my trustingness and openness for DW. That's an instinctive thing, which I don't understand and can't justify. I can attempt to vaguely explain it by saying that DW is like a well that I can throw anything into... whatever I hurl his way, he will be able to understand it, deal with it. But really, he doesn't always understand everything. He doesn't deal with things better than anyone else - he's just human. Yet, it's somehow not about what he has been proven to do but what I trust he can do. I feel a level of security with him that I don't with many, or any, others.
There have, however, been a handful of guys in the last few years that have given me a little touch of that feeling. The feeling of, hey, I could imagine this going somewhere. I was thinking last night about those guys and realised the common factor - all of them valued my mind as well as my looks. Which is kind of funny - hey look, this is how you pick me up! There's no mysterious formula after all - just make a point of listening when I talk and I'm yours! It's still vanity.
It's also somewhat ironic:
I look attractive --> you're interested me --> you appreciate what's 'underneath' --> you get my body!
Anyway, I don't have much of a point to make. That's the problem. I feel like I don't know what I should be working towards.
DW and I (or, maybe just me) have been having some lingering issues about neediness. In all my other relationships I'm the need-meeter: the listener, the shoulder to cry on, the one who remains emotionally stable. I don't need my friends to listen to my problems or offer their shoulder - pfft, that's DW's job! They would probably do a much better job than DW, but some part of me is incapable of giving them that role. I save it for DW, then feel let down when he doesn't relish that position the way I would for him. That's the other thing - DW is less needy than I am, so I don't get to be the need-meeter, don't get to fill my 'natural' role in the relationship dynamic. I feel almost a bit cheated, because it's like - you haven't seen me at my best! Instead, you see me at my worst, and I feel like an imposition!
Sometimes I feel like the only way DW and I could be together long-term is to give each other some freedom first. But I've seen firsthand the heartache that friends have gone through when they are all like, 'Yeah, let's break up because I want freedom to travel and meet people and stuff. (Really I still expect you to wait around for me, if I don't find any other boys good enough)'. And then they don't find boys good enough and don't travel and want to go back to the one who they love, and find they can't, and there are tears galore. Yes, I've seen that.
When I have seen that, or hear people proclaim 'I could still see myself marrying so-and-so' while proceeding to sever their relationship with the person in question, then I think: If you love this person so much that you could imagine being married to them, why would you not want to be in a relationship with him? DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Maybe he doesn't make you as happy as you suggest? Maybe you just like the idea of a security blanket?
Gradually, it does compute.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Gyms, Work
I'm officially a gym member. Benefitness - the cheapest of the lot. I visited Fitness First, and they sat me down for something like an interview:
'These are the 4 proven reasons why people join gyms. Which one would you say you were? No, it has to be just one out of the four. I'll give you a moment to think about it. Ok, 'health'? Could you expand on that?'
'So you used to play netball. Now how happy with your level of fitness were you when you played netball? Would you say your goal is to get back to that? Or would you like to exceed that level? Ok, what timeframe are you looking at to Meet Your Goal?'
Fitness First did have awesome facilities, including electronic lockers, tiny fans on each treadmill and a huge group fitness room. Benefitness is more like, 'Eh. We don't have lockers as such, just dump your bag at the back of the class.' And let me tell you, there was no interview or even real orientation scenario. But, for $8.95/week, who's complaining? I have to pay a once-off extra to have a session where someone goes through all the machines with me and gives me a personal plan or something, but they did waive the joining fee and I figure its worth it anyway. So far I've mainly just been going to classes.
For the record: Fitness First was $22.95/week, $100 joining fee (which I probably could have got for $9, though) and a $70 'admin' fee.
Fernwood would have been my other choice - I've been there a fair few times as a trial member and it's a nice place - big tv screen in the cardio room, refrigerated work-out towels, complimentary toiletries, free breakfast, good aircon. It's also a good balance between 'whatever, join if you want' Benefitness and 'hey there KHERE! It's Evan calling from Fitness First! How's it going mate? Have you given any more thought to our membership offer?' Fitness First. But even the student discount membership at Fernwood (with no joining fee) would have been $19.80/week. Can I justify an extra $566/year for MusicMax and the comforting knowledge that, if I ever showered at the gym, I would have access to a hairdryer? Unfortunately I can't. Maybe when I'm one of those rich career women who has a different Portman's outfit for every day.
I've only done two classes at Benefitness so far - Circuit and Step. Big thumbs up for circuit. The first time was the worst, mainly because the instructor came off as kind of a bitch. She knew I had never done the class before. Without saying a word to me or anyone else though, she charged into the room with her g-string under tights and was all like 'Rawr! Let's get MOVING!', launching into aerobics moves straight away. The class is basically aerobics or whatever, but with short frequent intervals using the machines around the edge of the room. Well, that's what I came to understand after everyone latched themselves to machines, no thanks to her explanation. It reminded me a bit of playing 'musical chairs' as a kid - ladidah, da da, quickdive for that machine that you know how to use!
Today I did the class again with a different instructor who I found much more personable. The stuff we did in the non-aerobics part of the class was a fair bit different to the first time, actually - I wonder if they change it up a lot, or if it just depends on the instructor. We did push-ups and tricep dips today, and hello my chicken wings may be feeling that tomorrow.
As for the other class - Step. Well. Let's just say it inspired me to look up the 'Nine Types of Intelligence'. Hey, step-class members, you'll just have to believe me when I say that I'm quite competent at using my Linguistic, Inter-personal, Intra-Personal, Logical-Mathematical and even Naturalist, Existential and Musical intelligences! What's that? All I need for a step class are Kinesthetic and Spatial intelligences? Huh. About that. When God was handing out coordination I guess I thought he was giving out, er, mudcake. And asked for a small serve. Or whatever.
(Shut up. I totally could have proven my mad linguistic punning skillz there if I had wanted to.)
In other news, there's a brewing bitch-storm at work. One girl got fired and now everyones clawing for her shifts. Well that's one facet of it. Also relevant: the new award which means we have to get paid more next year, which means the business will have to completely redesign itself to manage the burden of wages. Also: the possibility of my cluey workmate 'A' leasing the business and the things he will change, namely the mindset of 'these are my shifts so I can sit on my ass and be rude to customers and not worry about losing hours'. Also: customer complaints about a certain staff member. Also: resentment at 'A' for wanting an equal share of hours now (he was on less before), instead of dividing the new shifts evenly among all staff members, good and bad. Also: is the manager playing a big lateral game of chess and picking off staff one by one so he doesn't have to fire people come the new year? Also: I'm technically owed money due to some weird legal thing - the collective agreement we worked under for 2 years was found void, so we say everyone was retrospectively paid under their previous agreements, except I didn't work there long enough to have a previous agreement. So I should have been paid under some ancient award for 'hostels' that housed people fresh out of jail. Which meant that I should have been paid penalties. Or something.
Got that? Work is full of excitement at the moment. And that's not even counting the guest who reckons he's in the mafia.
Anyway, I'd better get some sleep so I can handle that funhouse. Psst, don't tell anyone, but I've found a 'learn the moves' step video. If New Zealander Mark Nu'u can teach me the basics, I may be back in that class soon, improving my futness.
--khere is a nonsensical translation.
'These are the 4 proven reasons why people join gyms. Which one would you say you were? No, it has to be just one out of the four. I'll give you a moment to think about it. Ok, 'health'? Could you expand on that?'
'So you used to play netball. Now how happy with your level of fitness were you when you played netball? Would you say your goal is to get back to that? Or would you like to exceed that level? Ok, what timeframe are you looking at to Meet Your Goal?'
Fitness First did have awesome facilities, including electronic lockers, tiny fans on each treadmill and a huge group fitness room. Benefitness is more like, 'Eh. We don't have lockers as such, just dump your bag at the back of the class.' And let me tell you, there was no interview or even real orientation scenario. But, for $8.95/week, who's complaining? I have to pay a once-off extra to have a session where someone goes through all the machines with me and gives me a personal plan or something, but they did waive the joining fee and I figure its worth it anyway. So far I've mainly just been going to classes.
For the record: Fitness First was $22.95/week, $100 joining fee (which I probably could have got for $9, though) and a $70 'admin' fee.
Fernwood would have been my other choice - I've been there a fair few times as a trial member and it's a nice place - big tv screen in the cardio room, refrigerated work-out towels, complimentary toiletries, free breakfast, good aircon. It's also a good balance between 'whatever, join if you want' Benefitness and 'hey there KHERE! It's Evan calling from Fitness First! How's it going mate? Have you given any more thought to our membership offer?' Fitness First. But even the student discount membership at Fernwood (with no joining fee) would have been $19.80/week. Can I justify an extra $566/year for MusicMax and the comforting knowledge that, if I ever showered at the gym, I would have access to a hairdryer? Unfortunately I can't. Maybe when I'm one of those rich career women who has a different Portman's outfit for every day.
I've only done two classes at Benefitness so far - Circuit and Step. Big thumbs up for circuit. The first time was the worst, mainly because the instructor came off as kind of a bitch. She knew I had never done the class before. Without saying a word to me or anyone else though, she charged into the room with her g-string under tights and was all like 'Rawr! Let's get MOVING!', launching into aerobics moves straight away. The class is basically aerobics or whatever, but with short frequent intervals using the machines around the edge of the room. Well, that's what I came to understand after everyone latched themselves to machines, no thanks to her explanation. It reminded me a bit of playing 'musical chairs' as a kid - ladidah, da da, quickdive for that machine that you know how to use!
Today I did the class again with a different instructor who I found much more personable. The stuff we did in the non-aerobics part of the class was a fair bit different to the first time, actually - I wonder if they change it up a lot, or if it just depends on the instructor. We did push-ups and tricep dips today, and hello my chicken wings may be feeling that tomorrow.
As for the other class - Step. Well. Let's just say it inspired me to look up the 'Nine Types of Intelligence'. Hey, step-class members, you'll just have to believe me when I say that I'm quite competent at using my Linguistic, Inter-personal, Intra-Personal, Logical-Mathematical and even Naturalist, Existential and Musical intelligences! What's that? All I need for a step class are Kinesthetic and Spatial intelligences? Huh. About that. When God was handing out coordination I guess I thought he was giving out, er, mudcake. And asked for a small serve. Or whatever.
(Shut up. I totally could have proven my mad linguistic punning skillz there if I had wanted to.)
In other news, there's a brewing bitch-storm at work. One girl got fired and now everyones clawing for her shifts. Well that's one facet of it. Also relevant: the new award which means we have to get paid more next year, which means the business will have to completely redesign itself to manage the burden of wages. Also: the possibility of my cluey workmate 'A' leasing the business and the things he will change, namely the mindset of 'these are my shifts so I can sit on my ass and be rude to customers and not worry about losing hours'. Also: customer complaints about a certain staff member. Also: resentment at 'A' for wanting an equal share of hours now (he was on less before), instead of dividing the new shifts evenly among all staff members, good and bad. Also: is the manager playing a big lateral game of chess and picking off staff one by one so he doesn't have to fire people come the new year? Also: I'm technically owed money due to some weird legal thing - the collective agreement we worked under for 2 years was found void, so we say everyone was retrospectively paid under their previous agreements, except I didn't work there long enough to have a previous agreement. So I should have been paid under some ancient award for 'hostels' that housed people fresh out of jail. Which meant that I should have been paid penalties. Or something.
Got that? Work is full of excitement at the moment. And that's not even counting the guest who reckons he's in the mafia.
Anyway, I'd better get some sleep so I can handle that funhouse. Psst, don't tell anyone, but I've found a 'learn the moves' step video. If New Zealander Mark Nu'u can teach me the basics, I may be back in that class soon, improving my futness.
--khere is a nonsensical translation.
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