Thoughts

That what I want from DW and H is reversed. DW, sensing a little whining freak-outedness, retreats. My unhappiness is exacerbated. H, not 'feeling the vibe', sits me down on a little private couch and demands to know feelings, thoughts, deep secrets. I feel ooky.

That in general, I tell people 'personal' stuff as something of a duty, an acknowledgement within myself that a little discomfort now makes for a stronger friendship later. If people know how you feel, they can adjust any of the tiny choices they make every day with your feelings in mind, and most people are nice and will unthinkingly do this.

That there are then other people, who I am compelled to tell more. Those people are not always the ones who thrive on hearing more.

That I could not ask for a better boyfriend to be there for me if I had a real problem.

That said boyfriend does not, however, tolerate silly self-absorbed worries and whinges with the same respect and time as he would give for something concrete.

That on one hand, his reluctance to do so is because of his own impatience. And hey, I've been on that end before, and I get that. What I also get is that you tolerate annoying blah blah from people you love.

That at the same time, I shouldn't be irritated by his dismissiveness. Regardless of intent, or lack of, treating insignificant problems in that way is probably a good thing. Forcing me to deal with the issue of concern without a big show of support is a good thing for me, I believe. You can become tempted to lean on somebody too much.

That I've seen the above happen with friends, and that's why I recognise that however much I want to hold DW's hand when I'm not feeling completely content, there's a slippery slope leading to needing to hold the hand in more and more situations, and soon we're at a self-indulgent point of ridiculousness where widdle old me can't handle anything alone.

That social anxiety has the potential to be contagious.

That I seem to need just one male at a party who thinks particularly fondly of me, to be socially content. Be it a boyfriend who may be on the other side of the room, be it that guy you have a tendency to flirt with when tipsy, be it your male friend who respects you but would never go further. Just somebody who notices when you've got a new dress, who cares when you stop speaking.

That being part of a couple can separate you from the social dynamics of a group, but in a good way.

...Yeah, that's about it.