Update on the Love State

I suppose I'd better update from that last post. All is well.

We had a good talk about it. At first I wasn't convinced that DW wanted to stay together for the best reasons. Making the final call would have been largely his decision, and I imagine it would have been tempting for him to second-guess himself, knowing he'd have to deal with the consequences. I don't want to be with someone just because they're hedging their bets, too hesitant to change the status quo.

I still wouldn't be surprised if that was a part of it, but to be honest it would be a consideration for me, too. After all, it's hard to draw a line between 'scared of change' and 'knowing you have a good thing'.

What DW essentially said, was that 'flirting' with the idea in the back of his mind made it seem more tempting than it was. When the choices were laid out in the open, free for him to choose, it was easy to see what he wanted.

I'm at peace with things now. Sure, you could say that there is an element of wariness that wasn't there before, but I prefer to see it as hitting 'refresh' and being shown a slightly clearer image of the world. It feels like something's been scrubbed a little too hard, and now it's tender but clean.

(I did find it ironic that the very day after our 'talk', DW was hashing out his plans for us to live together. Slow down your mind, boy!)

While we were still tentative with each other, I said something about how I wanted DW to share his feelings more (beware: ooky relationship talk).

K: "I know there's things that I'm probably not good at, and I do try to improve. Both of us might have things that are just a continual work in progress, and that's ok. But, there's a difference between trying to be a bit more open, even if it doesn't come naturally to you, and in just being like 'nope, too bad, I don't care about changing'. If I feel like you're trying, I can tolerate a lot, but if you're just going to be determined not to share things with me... I don't think I can dig that."

(long pause)

D: "I'll... try to share my feelings more?"

K: (kind of inwardly chuckling, though whether at myself or him I don't know.)

Then, fortunately, he proved another one of my points by mentioning that after our walk, he was going to another nearby place with a few mutual acquaintances. The moment the words were out of his mouth, you could see his brain backpedal. "... but I didn't ask you because I thought you would be going to have dinner!" he said, seizing on the facts that I had moments before told him that I hadn't yet had dinner. It was kind of funny.

"Could you just maybe not have not-inviting-me as the default?" I asked.
"Okay," he agreed, ruefully. "I'll invite you out more, you can invite me less." *
"Deal."

(*In the interests of full disclosure, one of my self-admitted 'things I need to work on' is that, while being initially perfectly happy at the prospect of attending a social event without DW, I invite him even if I think he won't want to come, and when he does in fact, decline, I suddenly decide that it is absolutely necessary that he be there and get all upset and naggy. What can I say. We can't all be Mr Independent.)

DW has also decided to openly check out both females and males, in what is either a pre-emptive move to prevent me becoming jealous, or a chance to flaunt his 'other' side. "You feel free to point out any attractive guys or girls you see too," he offered.

"Between us, no specimen will go unappreciated!"

I think I'll wrap things up there. I'm glad we were honest with each other, and I feel like everything this point on is just that little bit more 'real'.