I'm very lucky. My family and friends are healthy people and happy people. Sometimes I realise how fragile it all is, how much of it really is luck.
We never know what's around the corner. I'm so grateful for the luck, while it lasts.
SAY IT WITH NUTS
Working at Arndale turned out to be a pleasant way to earn a few extra dollars before Christmas. The store was not busy in the slightest - seriously, these staff would have a heart attack working at TTP. This was bad for the company of course but dare I say, quite relaxing. I also enjoyed the fact that it was a small team. There was Midge (normally I don't use names but hers is so distinctive to her character that I must), who I had met but never known well before. She's the one who trains all the new staff and does all that 'See and Respond!' crap and I had found her tiresomely perky in the past. My respect for her has really grown. She comes across now as someone who is quite fulfilled in life, someone who throws themself into it and appreciates the small things. She's not afraid to say *nice* things to people which is a surprisingly rare quality, and one that I admire.
Also working at the shop was M, a very sweet guy who I could have talked to for many more hours that we had available. Guess what? He's married! Bahaha. Married crush.
Then there were the four 'newies'. Generally they were very good, and I didn't have any troubles leading them at all. I liked working with two of them in particular - one girl who was only just fifteen and had quite a good little business head on her, and another who had just finished year 12 and was the closest to my age. The other two weren't bad, but I think they might have struggled in a higher-pressure environment. Or actually, maybe shone. Who knows. I just know that when sales did gradually start creeping up, there was a few little *headpalm* moments. Like the girl who called up Midge at 9pm the night before her shift to say she 'didn't know what to do' because her friend had 'invited her to the beach' and oh boy, can I get a little guidance on this, boss? Or the other one who would stand there holding the sample bowl after I told her that we needed to fill gift packs before giving samples, and after I gently took it out of her hands and repeated myself and nudged her towards the gift pack boxes was like 'oh ok... so filling... baskets?'
IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR
I really enjoyed Christmas this year. On Christmas Eve I sold cheap booze on the hostel balcony and befriended a few new guests - honestly, if for some reason I didn't get paid for the extra hours, I wouldn't even mind. Christmas day was at our house, with us, Grandpa, my dad's sister and her partner, and DW. Then on Boxing Day we went to at Kristy's with my mum's side of the family, the 6 little cousins and 5 big ones. Good times.
JINGALABELL JINGALABELL JINGJINGALING LING
H is off today! To India, where she will be living and travelling with her man for two months (assuming she doesn't come down with Japanese Encephalitis, of course =P ) I saw her off at the train station this morning... then came home before anyone else was even up, and napped for another hour or so =P
PROCLAMATION DAY
I hereby proclaim that before I go out this evening there will be much time spent reading and watching TV (up to date with Survivor... maybe time to break open that Greys Anatomy that mum brought back from China). It's the beginning of my four (4!) days off, the longest break I've had in... a while. I will definitely appreciate it.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
keeping it clean and staying on topic
Another seedy Sunday, another post.
- We put the Christmas tree up today.
- I now have an iPhone, at no extra monthly cost than what I was already paying for my old crappy handset.
- C's 21st was last night. At the Rhino room, very nice venue I thought. Cosy and fun, not too big.
- Her dad is an 'affable chap', in DW's words.
- DW met and became promptly 'enarmoured' with C's boyfriend, in C's words. The two of them talked at length about cricket and finance and whatever else.
- After the speeches, DW mentioned to me that he had 'kind of already started planning' a speech for my 21st. Naw. That's the side of him that I love.
- When we were trying to catch a taxi home, he was being an unhelpful grump. That's the side of him I don't like so much. I may taken hold of his hand in a more aggressive manner than usual. Then hit him when he pulled it away. What can I say, we were both drunk and irritated.
- I'm gonna be working at the nut shop again this Christmas - well, at one of the new 'outpost' stalls. The next few weeks will be busy. But more money, yay.
- I'm trying to save as much money as possible. I've never been 'bad' with money as such, but I haven't saved as much as I could have. If I want to go to Europe in 2011 (which, I do) then I will need to really save a lot. Goodbye food court, hello sandwiches using free bread from work.
- I want to sell a whole bunch of clothes on eBay, but I need to wait for my dad (with the benefit of his awesome feedback record!) to let me use his account and show me how to do things. My plan to do this was actually based on clearing out cupboard space rather than earning money, but hey: every bit counts!
- Went to a couch-surfing meet a couple of weeks ago at the Grace Emily. Fun fun. The week after I was feeling sick and wussy so I didn't go, but might head there again tomorrow.
- I'm so ready for Thursday, when new cupboards will be put in - the old ones were demolished and removed last Thursday, so this week all my crap has been in boxes and piles around my bedroom floor and the rest of the house. I hate living in mess. I don't see how some of my friends (well, one of my friends in particular =P) can live with a room that's permanently in such a state!
- Look, paragraphs getting bigger. We don't want that.
---khere had one midori too many.
- We put the Christmas tree up today.
- I now have an iPhone, at no extra monthly cost than what I was already paying for my old crappy handset.
- C's 21st was last night. At the Rhino room, very nice venue I thought. Cosy and fun, not too big.
- Her dad is an 'affable chap', in DW's words.
- DW met and became promptly 'enarmoured' with C's boyfriend, in C's words. The two of them talked at length about cricket and finance and whatever else.
- After the speeches, DW mentioned to me that he had 'kind of already started planning' a speech for my 21st. Naw. That's the side of him that I love.
- When we were trying to catch a taxi home, he was being an unhelpful grump. That's the side of him I don't like so much. I may taken hold of his hand in a more aggressive manner than usual. Then hit him when he pulled it away. What can I say, we were both drunk and irritated.
- I'm gonna be working at the nut shop again this Christmas - well, at one of the new 'outpost' stalls. The next few weeks will be busy. But more money, yay.
- I'm trying to save as much money as possible. I've never been 'bad' with money as such, but I haven't saved as much as I could have. If I want to go to Europe in 2011 (which, I do) then I will need to really save a lot. Goodbye food court, hello sandwiches using free bread from work.
- I want to sell a whole bunch of clothes on eBay, but I need to wait for my dad (with the benefit of his awesome feedback record!) to let me use his account and show me how to do things. My plan to do this was actually based on clearing out cupboard space rather than earning money, but hey: every bit counts!
- Went to a couch-surfing meet a couple of weeks ago at the Grace Emily. Fun fun. The week after I was feeling sick and wussy so I didn't go, but might head there again tomorrow.
- I'm so ready for Thursday, when new cupboards will be put in - the old ones were demolished and removed last Thursday, so this week all my crap has been in boxes and piles around my bedroom floor and the rest of the house. I hate living in mess. I don't see how some of my friends (well, one of my friends in particular =P) can live with a room that's permanently in such a state!
- Look, paragraphs getting bigger. We don't want that.
---khere had one midori too many.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Clear glass
For the first time in two and a half years I feel indecision. I feel like the trail that I've been following has petered out. Now instead of walking easily, I've got to make a decision. Do I keep hopefully bashing my way along the track? Take a detour through some scrub and hope that I meet up with a clear trail again? Find a different route completely?
It's like I'm surrounded by clear glass at the moment. Guys can see me, talk to me, flirt with me, dance with me, and even cop the occaisonal feel (I can only hypothesise that the glass disappears around the ass region when in busy nightclubs) but I'm not available to them. I'm exempt from 'the game'.
Most of the time I feel this is a good thing. I get one-off bursts of attention from various guys, but don't have to make a choice about where to take it from there. I don't have to try to impress, worry about being liked, or calculate the moves between 'I want you' and 'chase me'. I also don't have to be the bitch that says no. There's nothing personal, no guy can ever be offended - hey, nothing against you, but I have a boyfriend! There's your answer - it's a fact and not an opinion.
Two and a half years ago I received far less male attention. Five days a week I would don my overlarge school uniform and keep my head down. I enjoyed school, but I associated with my own group of friends and kind of ignored the rest - and 'the rest' included most of the popular people and the hottest guys, who intimidated me somewhat. While I wouldn't say I was 'invisible' - I was one of those geeky leadership types, organising community sports days and always on stage at assembly for acamedic awards - I was certainly only visible for my brains and personality, not my looks. On weekends, I wore an equally unflattering orange blouse in the nut shop and failed to attract the interest of, or muster interest for, any of the guys who I worked with or served. Underage events in Adelaide were at a minimal, and my friends and I never really got into attending random house parties - so at nights I would still only really see the same crowd that I hung out with during the week.
There are plenty of girls prettier than me today, but at some point in the last few years I guess I started to become visible for my looks. With attention came confidence, and not just confidence about my looks but confidence to be open with my mind and personality too. A growing faith that rather than trying to blend in, I can be myself and people would be attracted to that.
A fear of losing DW is not a fear that no other guys would like me - rather, it's that I would have a hard time finding a guy that I liked quite so much.
It's why I'm often glad for the clear glass - I don't trust or open up to that many people, really. In fact, you could say that I save all my trustingness and openness for DW. That's an instinctive thing, which I don't understand and can't justify. I can attempt to vaguely explain it by saying that DW is like a well that I can throw anything into... whatever I hurl his way, he will be able to understand it, deal with it. But really, he doesn't always understand everything. He doesn't deal with things better than anyone else - he's just human. Yet, it's somehow not about what he has been proven to do but what I trust he can do. I feel a level of security with him that I don't with many, or any, others.
There have, however, been a handful of guys in the last few years that have given me a little touch of that feeling. The feeling of, hey, I could imagine this going somewhere. I was thinking last night about those guys and realised the common factor - all of them valued my mind as well as my looks. Which is kind of funny - hey look, this is how you pick me up! There's no mysterious formula after all - just make a point of listening when I talk and I'm yours! It's still vanity.
It's also somewhat ironic:
I look attractive --> you're interested me --> you appreciate what's 'underneath' --> you get my body!
Anyway, I don't have much of a point to make. That's the problem. I feel like I don't know what I should be working towards.
DW and I (or, maybe just me) have been having some lingering issues about neediness. In all my other relationships I'm the need-meeter: the listener, the shoulder to cry on, the one who remains emotionally stable. I don't need my friends to listen to my problems or offer their shoulder - pfft, that's DW's job! They would probably do a much better job than DW, but some part of me is incapable of giving them that role. I save it for DW, then feel let down when he doesn't relish that position the way I would for him. That's the other thing - DW is less needy than I am, so I don't get to be the need-meeter, don't get to fill my 'natural' role in the relationship dynamic. I feel almost a bit cheated, because it's like - you haven't seen me at my best! Instead, you see me at my worst, and I feel like an imposition!
Sometimes I feel like the only way DW and I could be together long-term is to give each other some freedom first. But I've seen firsthand the heartache that friends have gone through when they are all like, 'Yeah, let's break up because I want freedom to travel and meet people and stuff. (Really I still expect you to wait around for me, if I don't find any other boys good enough)'. And then they don't find boys good enough and don't travel and want to go back to the one who they love, and find they can't, and there are tears galore. Yes, I've seen that.
When I have seen that, or hear people proclaim 'I could still see myself marrying so-and-so' while proceeding to sever their relationship with the person in question, then I think: If you love this person so much that you could imagine being married to them, why would you not want to be in a relationship with him? DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Maybe he doesn't make you as happy as you suggest? Maybe you just like the idea of a security blanket?
Gradually, it does compute.
It's like I'm surrounded by clear glass at the moment. Guys can see me, talk to me, flirt with me, dance with me, and even cop the occaisonal feel (I can only hypothesise that the glass disappears around the ass region when in busy nightclubs) but I'm not available to them. I'm exempt from 'the game'.
Most of the time I feel this is a good thing. I get one-off bursts of attention from various guys, but don't have to make a choice about where to take it from there. I don't have to try to impress, worry about being liked, or calculate the moves between 'I want you' and 'chase me'. I also don't have to be the bitch that says no. There's nothing personal, no guy can ever be offended - hey, nothing against you, but I have a boyfriend! There's your answer - it's a fact and not an opinion.
Two and a half years ago I received far less male attention. Five days a week I would don my overlarge school uniform and keep my head down. I enjoyed school, but I associated with my own group of friends and kind of ignored the rest - and 'the rest' included most of the popular people and the hottest guys, who intimidated me somewhat. While I wouldn't say I was 'invisible' - I was one of those geeky leadership types, organising community sports days and always on stage at assembly for acamedic awards - I was certainly only visible for my brains and personality, not my looks. On weekends, I wore an equally unflattering orange blouse in the nut shop and failed to attract the interest of, or muster interest for, any of the guys who I worked with or served. Underage events in Adelaide were at a minimal, and my friends and I never really got into attending random house parties - so at nights I would still only really see the same crowd that I hung out with during the week.
There are plenty of girls prettier than me today, but at some point in the last few years I guess I started to become visible for my looks. With attention came confidence, and not just confidence about my looks but confidence to be open with my mind and personality too. A growing faith that rather than trying to blend in, I can be myself and people would be attracted to that.
A fear of losing DW is not a fear that no other guys would like me - rather, it's that I would have a hard time finding a guy that I liked quite so much.
It's why I'm often glad for the clear glass - I don't trust or open up to that many people, really. In fact, you could say that I save all my trustingness and openness for DW. That's an instinctive thing, which I don't understand and can't justify. I can attempt to vaguely explain it by saying that DW is like a well that I can throw anything into... whatever I hurl his way, he will be able to understand it, deal with it. But really, he doesn't always understand everything. He doesn't deal with things better than anyone else - he's just human. Yet, it's somehow not about what he has been proven to do but what I trust he can do. I feel a level of security with him that I don't with many, or any, others.
There have, however, been a handful of guys in the last few years that have given me a little touch of that feeling. The feeling of, hey, I could imagine this going somewhere. I was thinking last night about those guys and realised the common factor - all of them valued my mind as well as my looks. Which is kind of funny - hey look, this is how you pick me up! There's no mysterious formula after all - just make a point of listening when I talk and I'm yours! It's still vanity.
It's also somewhat ironic:
I look attractive --> you're interested me --> you appreciate what's 'underneath' --> you get my body!
Anyway, I don't have much of a point to make. That's the problem. I feel like I don't know what I should be working towards.
DW and I (or, maybe just me) have been having some lingering issues about neediness. In all my other relationships I'm the need-meeter: the listener, the shoulder to cry on, the one who remains emotionally stable. I don't need my friends to listen to my problems or offer their shoulder - pfft, that's DW's job! They would probably do a much better job than DW, but some part of me is incapable of giving them that role. I save it for DW, then feel let down when he doesn't relish that position the way I would for him. That's the other thing - DW is less needy than I am, so I don't get to be the need-meeter, don't get to fill my 'natural' role in the relationship dynamic. I feel almost a bit cheated, because it's like - you haven't seen me at my best! Instead, you see me at my worst, and I feel like an imposition!
Sometimes I feel like the only way DW and I could be together long-term is to give each other some freedom first. But I've seen firsthand the heartache that friends have gone through when they are all like, 'Yeah, let's break up because I want freedom to travel and meet people and stuff. (Really I still expect you to wait around for me, if I don't find any other boys good enough)'. And then they don't find boys good enough and don't travel and want to go back to the one who they love, and find they can't, and there are tears galore. Yes, I've seen that.
When I have seen that, or hear people proclaim 'I could still see myself marrying so-and-so' while proceeding to sever their relationship with the person in question, then I think: If you love this person so much that you could imagine being married to them, why would you not want to be in a relationship with him? DOES NOT COMPUTE.
Maybe he doesn't make you as happy as you suggest? Maybe you just like the idea of a security blanket?
Gradually, it does compute.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Gyms, Work
I'm officially a gym member. Benefitness - the cheapest of the lot. I visited Fitness First, and they sat me down for something like an interview:
'These are the 4 proven reasons why people join gyms. Which one would you say you were? No, it has to be just one out of the four. I'll give you a moment to think about it. Ok, 'health'? Could you expand on that?'
'So you used to play netball. Now how happy with your level of fitness were you when you played netball? Would you say your goal is to get back to that? Or would you like to exceed that level? Ok, what timeframe are you looking at to Meet Your Goal?'
Fitness First did have awesome facilities, including electronic lockers, tiny fans on each treadmill and a huge group fitness room. Benefitness is more like, 'Eh. We don't have lockers as such, just dump your bag at the back of the class.' And let me tell you, there was no interview or even real orientation scenario. But, for $8.95/week, who's complaining? I have to pay a once-off extra to have a session where someone goes through all the machines with me and gives me a personal plan or something, but they did waive the joining fee and I figure its worth it anyway. So far I've mainly just been going to classes.
For the record: Fitness First was $22.95/week, $100 joining fee (which I probably could have got for $9, though) and a $70 'admin' fee.
Fernwood would have been my other choice - I've been there a fair few times as a trial member and it's a nice place - big tv screen in the cardio room, refrigerated work-out towels, complimentary toiletries, free breakfast, good aircon. It's also a good balance between 'whatever, join if you want' Benefitness and 'hey there KHERE! It's Evan calling from Fitness First! How's it going mate? Have you given any more thought to our membership offer?' Fitness First. But even the student discount membership at Fernwood (with no joining fee) would have been $19.80/week. Can I justify an extra $566/year for MusicMax and the comforting knowledge that, if I ever showered at the gym, I would have access to a hairdryer? Unfortunately I can't. Maybe when I'm one of those rich career women who has a different Portman's outfit for every day.
I've only done two classes at Benefitness so far - Circuit and Step. Big thumbs up for circuit. The first time was the worst, mainly because the instructor came off as kind of a bitch. She knew I had never done the class before. Without saying a word to me or anyone else though, she charged into the room with her g-string under tights and was all like 'Rawr! Let's get MOVING!', launching into aerobics moves straight away. The class is basically aerobics or whatever, but with short frequent intervals using the machines around the edge of the room. Well, that's what I came to understand after everyone latched themselves to machines, no thanks to her explanation. It reminded me a bit of playing 'musical chairs' as a kid - ladidah, da da, quickdive for that machine that you know how to use!
Today I did the class again with a different instructor who I found much more personable. The stuff we did in the non-aerobics part of the class was a fair bit different to the first time, actually - I wonder if they change it up a lot, or if it just depends on the instructor. We did push-ups and tricep dips today, and hello my chicken wings may be feeling that tomorrow.
As for the other class - Step. Well. Let's just say it inspired me to look up the 'Nine Types of Intelligence'. Hey, step-class members, you'll just have to believe me when I say that I'm quite competent at using my Linguistic, Inter-personal, Intra-Personal, Logical-Mathematical and even Naturalist, Existential and Musical intelligences! What's that? All I need for a step class are Kinesthetic and Spatial intelligences? Huh. About that. When God was handing out coordination I guess I thought he was giving out, er, mudcake. And asked for a small serve. Or whatever.
(Shut up. I totally could have proven my mad linguistic punning skillz there if I had wanted to.)
In other news, there's a brewing bitch-storm at work. One girl got fired and now everyones clawing for her shifts. Well that's one facet of it. Also relevant: the new award which means we have to get paid more next year, which means the business will have to completely redesign itself to manage the burden of wages. Also: the possibility of my cluey workmate 'A' leasing the business and the things he will change, namely the mindset of 'these are my shifts so I can sit on my ass and be rude to customers and not worry about losing hours'. Also: customer complaints about a certain staff member. Also: resentment at 'A' for wanting an equal share of hours now (he was on less before), instead of dividing the new shifts evenly among all staff members, good and bad. Also: is the manager playing a big lateral game of chess and picking off staff one by one so he doesn't have to fire people come the new year? Also: I'm technically owed money due to some weird legal thing - the collective agreement we worked under for 2 years was found void, so we say everyone was retrospectively paid under their previous agreements, except I didn't work there long enough to have a previous agreement. So I should have been paid under some ancient award for 'hostels' that housed people fresh out of jail. Which meant that I should have been paid penalties. Or something.
Got that? Work is full of excitement at the moment. And that's not even counting the guest who reckons he's in the mafia.
Anyway, I'd better get some sleep so I can handle that funhouse. Psst, don't tell anyone, but I've found a 'learn the moves' step video. If New Zealander Mark Nu'u can teach me the basics, I may be back in that class soon, improving my futness.
--khere is a nonsensical translation.
'These are the 4 proven reasons why people join gyms. Which one would you say you were? No, it has to be just one out of the four. I'll give you a moment to think about it. Ok, 'health'? Could you expand on that?'
'So you used to play netball. Now how happy with your level of fitness were you when you played netball? Would you say your goal is to get back to that? Or would you like to exceed that level? Ok, what timeframe are you looking at to Meet Your Goal?'
Fitness First did have awesome facilities, including electronic lockers, tiny fans on each treadmill and a huge group fitness room. Benefitness is more like, 'Eh. We don't have lockers as such, just dump your bag at the back of the class.' And let me tell you, there was no interview or even real orientation scenario. But, for $8.95/week, who's complaining? I have to pay a once-off extra to have a session where someone goes through all the machines with me and gives me a personal plan or something, but they did waive the joining fee and I figure its worth it anyway. So far I've mainly just been going to classes.
For the record: Fitness First was $22.95/week, $100 joining fee (which I probably could have got for $9, though) and a $70 'admin' fee.
Fernwood would have been my other choice - I've been there a fair few times as a trial member and it's a nice place - big tv screen in the cardio room, refrigerated work-out towels, complimentary toiletries, free breakfast, good aircon. It's also a good balance between 'whatever, join if you want' Benefitness and 'hey there KHERE! It's Evan calling from Fitness First! How's it going mate? Have you given any more thought to our membership offer?' Fitness First. But even the student discount membership at Fernwood (with no joining fee) would have been $19.80/week. Can I justify an extra $566/year for MusicMax and the comforting knowledge that, if I ever showered at the gym, I would have access to a hairdryer? Unfortunately I can't. Maybe when I'm one of those rich career women who has a different Portman's outfit for every day.
I've only done two classes at Benefitness so far - Circuit and Step. Big thumbs up for circuit. The first time was the worst, mainly because the instructor came off as kind of a bitch. She knew I had never done the class before. Without saying a word to me or anyone else though, she charged into the room with her g-string under tights and was all like 'Rawr! Let's get MOVING!', launching into aerobics moves straight away. The class is basically aerobics or whatever, but with short frequent intervals using the machines around the edge of the room. Well, that's what I came to understand after everyone latched themselves to machines, no thanks to her explanation. It reminded me a bit of playing 'musical chairs' as a kid - ladidah, da da, quickdive for that machine that you know how to use!
Today I did the class again with a different instructor who I found much more personable. The stuff we did in the non-aerobics part of the class was a fair bit different to the first time, actually - I wonder if they change it up a lot, or if it just depends on the instructor. We did push-ups and tricep dips today, and hello my chicken wings may be feeling that tomorrow.
As for the other class - Step. Well. Let's just say it inspired me to look up the 'Nine Types of Intelligence'. Hey, step-class members, you'll just have to believe me when I say that I'm quite competent at using my Linguistic, Inter-personal, Intra-Personal, Logical-Mathematical and even Naturalist, Existential and Musical intelligences! What's that? All I need for a step class are Kinesthetic and Spatial intelligences? Huh. About that. When God was handing out coordination I guess I thought he was giving out, er, mudcake. And asked for a small serve. Or whatever.
(Shut up. I totally could have proven my mad linguistic punning skillz there if I had wanted to.)
In other news, there's a brewing bitch-storm at work. One girl got fired and now everyones clawing for her shifts. Well that's one facet of it. Also relevant: the new award which means we have to get paid more next year, which means the business will have to completely redesign itself to manage the burden of wages. Also: the possibility of my cluey workmate 'A' leasing the business and the things he will change, namely the mindset of 'these are my shifts so I can sit on my ass and be rude to customers and not worry about losing hours'. Also: customer complaints about a certain staff member. Also: resentment at 'A' for wanting an equal share of hours now (he was on less before), instead of dividing the new shifts evenly among all staff members, good and bad. Also: is the manager playing a big lateral game of chess and picking off staff one by one so he doesn't have to fire people come the new year? Also: I'm technically owed money due to some weird legal thing - the collective agreement we worked under for 2 years was found void, so we say everyone was retrospectively paid under their previous agreements, except I didn't work there long enough to have a previous agreement. So I should have been paid under some ancient award for 'hostels' that housed people fresh out of jail. Which meant that I should have been paid penalties. Or something.
Got that? Work is full of excitement at the moment. And that's not even counting the guest who reckons he's in the mafia.
Anyway, I'd better get some sleep so I can handle that funhouse. Psst, don't tell anyone, but I've found a 'learn the moves' step video. If New Zealander Mark Nu'u can teach me the basics, I may be back in that class soon, improving my futness.
--khere is a nonsensical translation.
Friday, November 13, 2009
You say neurotic, I say erotic
It's official: Father Christmas is in town. He may be dehydrated and dripping with sweat inside his suit, but he's here!
It was pageant day today, and the hostel balcony was the place to be. Exclusive view, Wayne's shade contraption rigged up out of old sheets, cigarette butts swept away, and "rooly clever" disabled lift access. It was a fun atmosphere at work, although the collide of backpackers and kiddies was a bit exhausting.
I slept there last night, with DW giving me a ride into town. We, uh, well, let's just say there was more fun in the rm 6 'storage room' than there's been in a while!
Town tonight - this metaphorical hair is coming down, because exams are over yeooww!
I feel so glad when I hear people talking about assignments and exams they still have, and remember I can dismiss all those thoughts. Selfish but nice! I had another strangely freeing moment when some guy behind me on a bus was talking on the phone in a real serious sooky voice about his break-up. "I'm not saying she's defective, I'm just saying she needs to be better at prioritising." I decided I didn't want to be listening, realised that I had no obligation to, and put my ipod earphones in. The wonderful benefits of modern society!
Get scared much? You should probably stay away from Paranormal Activity. Actually it was awesome, but I'm not usually affected much by scary movies and this one I did find creepy. I got free tickets and went with DW, a lovely friend who I will entitle "L", and his pretty housemate "H". (damnit! I know too many 'H's!). It wasn't as jumpy-scary as I thought it would be, but a lot oogier. DW had a high opinion of it too, which I was glad about.
Also: Dog Boy, by Eva Hornung. Eegh. Read it. Dooo it *shakes*
Enough. Time for this dirty girl to shower.
--khere is a chalk-drawing melting on the road.
It was pageant day today, and the hostel balcony was the place to be. Exclusive view, Wayne's shade contraption rigged up out of old sheets, cigarette butts swept away, and "rooly clever" disabled lift access. It was a fun atmosphere at work, although the collide of backpackers and kiddies was a bit exhausting.
I slept there last night, with DW giving me a ride into town. We, uh, well, let's just say there was more fun in the rm 6 'storage room' than there's been in a while!
Town tonight - this metaphorical hair is coming down, because exams are over yeooww!
I feel so glad when I hear people talking about assignments and exams they still have, and remember I can dismiss all those thoughts. Selfish but nice! I had another strangely freeing moment when some guy behind me on a bus was talking on the phone in a real serious sooky voice about his break-up. "I'm not saying she's defective, I'm just saying she needs to be better at prioritising." I decided I didn't want to be listening, realised that I had no obligation to, and put my ipod earphones in. The wonderful benefits of modern society!
Get scared much? You should probably stay away from Paranormal Activity. Actually it was awesome, but I'm not usually affected much by scary movies and this one I did find creepy. I got free tickets and went with DW, a lovely friend who I will entitle "L", and his pretty housemate "H". (damnit! I know too many 'H's!). It wasn't as jumpy-scary as I thought it would be, but a lot oogier. DW had a high opinion of it too, which I was glad about.
Also: Dog Boy, by Eva Hornung. Eegh. Read it. Dooo it *shakes*
Enough. Time for this dirty girl to shower.
--khere is a chalk-drawing melting on the road.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Present, Soon, Not Soon Enough
NEAR FUTURE
Summer's almost here! I've decided I'll have to become nocturnal to best appreciate these next few months. Warm nights are the bomb. Last night, I really felt like doing something, considering I hadn't been out for a while, and next weekend will probably be devoted to studying. Fortunately I realised that I didn't so much feel like going to town as drinking in the comfort of my own backyard. This turned out to be a popular suggestion. DW and his two friends eschewed the pub in favour of drinking beer in the pool and having shirtless 'grappling' competitions. H was happy to make the 5 minute walk to mine instead of a trip into town since she had work in the morning, and the loving (or not?) couple hung out for a while before continuing their evening elsewhere.
DISTANT FUTURE
My new daydream topic... Europe.
I... wanna go there. Very vague plan hatching. Funds notwithstanding, something like this I reckon would be awesome:
Turkey - maybe Geckos tour.
Bulgaria, Hungary - hostels/couch surfing*
Germany - visit Milli and family. Berlin, East Germany.
Denmark - hostels/couch surfing.
Sweden - could maybe visit Isa? Otherwise, hostels/couch surfing.
Iceland - hostels/couch surfing.
I wonder how much money that would all cost? Estimate = a lot. But, you're only able to get a youth discount Eurail pass once, right?
*Intrigued by this concept. Don't know how much of a risk it would be - I assume the best way to go would be to book a night at an accommodation facility, then meet the 'couch-owner' for coffee or something, and if they're decent then cancel the bed elsewhere.
PRESENT
Yeah, my mind's pretty much ignoring this category. Maybe because the topics in the 'present' folder are something like:
- Exceptions to indefeasibility
- What are the implications of this judgment for future decisions?
- Do I need to listen to the week 9 lecture again?
- I like green highlighters the best
- I suppose I should study some german too
- Die Arbeit wird gemacht. Die Arbeit wurde gemacht. Die Arbeit ist gemacht worden.
- Breskvar v Wall established the principle of immediate indefeasibility in Australia.
- GTC...Underbelly... Ah. Fill in the blanks.
- Iceland omg I've loved the idea of the place since year four, hey look there's a friendly looking gay couple with a kid who live in a little village near the coast and 'definitely have couch', yes it would be good to get out of the main city and it looks like their place is accessible by bus. Even though they're men, the fact that they're gay and have a kid is reassuring I guess.
- I think the 8 day Geckos tour would be a bit rushed, then again would the 20 day one be too long? Depends so much on the people, could be awesome cos you have time to get to know each other better. But would suck if the group was bad. The trip notes look really good I have to say. I think Turkey would be a bit intimidating to navigate by myself, especially if its the first place I go to.
- So if I saved money this summer break and all this year, plus the summer break next year, could I save enough? I could take the first semester off uni and leave in like, April. Then by the time I got up to northern Europe it'd be like, June? Summer nights in Scandinavia! Omg how awesome would that be! I could even be back for winter school in Adelaide if I really wanted to catch up some uni.
- Uni... Crap! Exams! Present!
Summer's almost here! I've decided I'll have to become nocturnal to best appreciate these next few months. Warm nights are the bomb. Last night, I really felt like doing something, considering I hadn't been out for a while, and next weekend will probably be devoted to studying. Fortunately I realised that I didn't so much feel like going to town as drinking in the comfort of my own backyard. This turned out to be a popular suggestion. DW and his two friends eschewed the pub in favour of drinking beer in the pool and having shirtless 'grappling' competitions. H was happy to make the 5 minute walk to mine instead of a trip into town since she had work in the morning, and the loving (or not?) couple hung out for a while before continuing their evening elsewhere.
DISTANT FUTURE
My new daydream topic... Europe.
I... wanna go there. Very vague plan hatching. Funds notwithstanding, something like this I reckon would be awesome:
Turkey - maybe Geckos tour.
Bulgaria, Hungary - hostels/couch surfing*
Germany - visit Milli and family. Berlin, East Germany.
Denmark - hostels/couch surfing.
Sweden - could maybe visit Isa? Otherwise, hostels/couch surfing.
Iceland - hostels/couch surfing.
I wonder how much money that would all cost? Estimate = a lot. But, you're only able to get a youth discount Eurail pass once, right?
*Intrigued by this concept. Don't know how much of a risk it would be - I assume the best way to go would be to book a night at an accommodation facility, then meet the 'couch-owner' for coffee or something, and if they're decent then cancel the bed elsewhere.
PRESENT
Yeah, my mind's pretty much ignoring this category. Maybe because the topics in the 'present' folder are something like:
- Exceptions to indefeasibility
- What are the implications of this judgment for future decisions?
- Do I need to listen to the week 9 lecture again?
- I like green highlighters the best
- I suppose I should study some german too
- Die Arbeit wird gemacht. Die Arbeit wurde gemacht. Die Arbeit ist gemacht worden.
- Breskvar v Wall established the principle of immediate indefeasibility in Australia.
- GTC...Underbelly... Ah. Fill in the blanks.
- Iceland omg I've loved the idea of the place since year four, hey look there's a friendly looking gay couple with a kid who live in a little village near the coast and 'definitely have couch', yes it would be good to get out of the main city and it looks like their place is accessible by bus. Even though they're men, the fact that they're gay and have a kid is reassuring I guess.
- I think the 8 day Geckos tour would be a bit rushed, then again would the 20 day one be too long? Depends so much on the people, could be awesome cos you have time to get to know each other better. But would suck if the group was bad. The trip notes look really good I have to say. I think Turkey would be a bit intimidating to navigate by myself, especially if its the first place I go to.
- So if I saved money this summer break and all this year, plus the summer break next year, could I save enough? I could take the first semester off uni and leave in like, April. Then by the time I got up to northern Europe it'd be like, June? Summer nights in Scandinavia! Omg how awesome would that be! I could even be back for winter school in Adelaide if I really wanted to catch up some uni.
- Uni... Crap! Exams! Present!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Update on the Love State
I suppose I'd better update from that last post. All is well.
We had a good talk about it. At first I wasn't convinced that DW wanted to stay together for the best reasons. Making the final call would have been largely his decision, and I imagine it would have been tempting for him to second-guess himself, knowing he'd have to deal with the consequences. I don't want to be with someone just because they're hedging their bets, too hesitant to change the status quo.
I still wouldn't be surprised if that was a part of it, but to be honest it would be a consideration for me, too. After all, it's hard to draw a line between 'scared of change' and 'knowing you have a good thing'.
What DW essentially said, was that 'flirting' with the idea in the back of his mind made it seem more tempting than it was. When the choices were laid out in the open, free for him to choose, it was easy to see what he wanted.
I'm at peace with things now. Sure, you could say that there is an element of wariness that wasn't there before, but I prefer to see it as hitting 'refresh' and being shown a slightly clearer image of the world. It feels like something's been scrubbed a little too hard, and now it's tender but clean.
(I did find it ironic that the very day after our 'talk', DW was hashing out his plans for us to live together. Slow down your mind, boy!)
While we were still tentative with each other, I said something about how I wanted DW to share his feelings more (beware: ooky relationship talk).
K: "I know there's things that I'm probably not good at, and I do try to improve. Both of us might have things that are just a continual work in progress, and that's ok. But, there's a difference between trying to be a bit more open, even if it doesn't come naturally to you, and in just being like 'nope, too bad, I don't care about changing'. If I feel like you're trying, I can tolerate a lot, but if you're just going to be determined not to share things with me... I don't think I can dig that."
(long pause)
D: "I'll... try to share my feelings more?"
K: (kind of inwardly chuckling, though whether at myself or him I don't know.)
Then, fortunately, he proved another one of my points by mentioning that after our walk, he was going to another nearby place with a few mutual acquaintances. The moment the words were out of his mouth, you could see his brain backpedal. "... but I didn't ask you because I thought you would be going to have dinner!" he said, seizing on the facts that I had moments before told him that I hadn't yet had dinner. It was kind of funny.
"Could you just maybe not have not-inviting-me as the default?" I asked.
"Okay," he agreed, ruefully. "I'll invite you out more, you can invite me less." *
"Deal."
(*In the interests of full disclosure, one of my self-admitted 'things I need to work on' is that, while being initially perfectly happy at the prospect of attending a social event without DW, I invite him even if I think he won't want to come, and when he does in fact, decline, I suddenly decide that it is absolutely necessary that he be there and get all upset and naggy. What can I say. We can't all be Mr Independent.)
DW has also decided to openly check out both females and males, in what is either a pre-emptive move to prevent me becoming jealous, or a chance to flaunt his 'other' side. "You feel free to point out any attractive guys or girls you see too," he offered.
"Between us, no specimen will go unappreciated!"
I think I'll wrap things up there. I'm glad we were honest with each other, and I feel like everything this point on is just that little bit more 'real'.
We had a good talk about it. At first I wasn't convinced that DW wanted to stay together for the best reasons. Making the final call would have been largely his decision, and I imagine it would have been tempting for him to second-guess himself, knowing he'd have to deal with the consequences. I don't want to be with someone just because they're hedging their bets, too hesitant to change the status quo.
I still wouldn't be surprised if that was a part of it, but to be honest it would be a consideration for me, too. After all, it's hard to draw a line between 'scared of change' and 'knowing you have a good thing'.
What DW essentially said, was that 'flirting' with the idea in the back of his mind made it seem more tempting than it was. When the choices were laid out in the open, free for him to choose, it was easy to see what he wanted.
I'm at peace with things now. Sure, you could say that there is an element of wariness that wasn't there before, but I prefer to see it as hitting 'refresh' and being shown a slightly clearer image of the world. It feels like something's been scrubbed a little too hard, and now it's tender but clean.
(I did find it ironic that the very day after our 'talk', DW was hashing out his plans for us to live together. Slow down your mind, boy!)
While we were still tentative with each other, I said something about how I wanted DW to share his feelings more (beware: ooky relationship talk).
K: "I know there's things that I'm probably not good at, and I do try to improve. Both of us might have things that are just a continual work in progress, and that's ok. But, there's a difference between trying to be a bit more open, even if it doesn't come naturally to you, and in just being like 'nope, too bad, I don't care about changing'. If I feel like you're trying, I can tolerate a lot, but if you're just going to be determined not to share things with me... I don't think I can dig that."
(long pause)
D: "I'll... try to share my feelings more?"
K: (kind of inwardly chuckling, though whether at myself or him I don't know.)
Then, fortunately, he proved another one of my points by mentioning that after our walk, he was going to another nearby place with a few mutual acquaintances. The moment the words were out of his mouth, you could see his brain backpedal. "... but I didn't ask you because I thought you would be going to have dinner!" he said, seizing on the facts that I had moments before told him that I hadn't yet had dinner. It was kind of funny.
"Could you just maybe not have not-inviting-me as the default?" I asked.
"Okay," he agreed, ruefully. "I'll invite you out more, you can invite me less." *
"Deal."
(*In the interests of full disclosure, one of my self-admitted 'things I need to work on' is that, while being initially perfectly happy at the prospect of attending a social event without DW, I invite him even if I think he won't want to come, and when he does in fact, decline, I suddenly decide that it is absolutely necessary that he be there and get all upset and naggy. What can I say. We can't all be Mr Independent.)
DW has also decided to openly check out both females and males, in what is either a pre-emptive move to prevent me becoming jealous, or a chance to flaunt his 'other' side. "You feel free to point out any attractive guys or girls you see too," he offered.
"Between us, no specimen will go unappreciated!"
I think I'll wrap things up there. I'm glad we were honest with each other, and I feel like everything this point on is just that little bit more 'real'.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)